found out that my cousin bong died yesterday. thursday and friday are the viewings and the funeral is on saturday. i know hes been sick with cancer for a while now and i really made no effort to go visit him. i wanted to...but everytime i think of going to a hospital for anything more than a saying hi visit really freaks me out. if that wasn't clear i mean that my mom is a nurse and every once in awhile i would go and visit her just to say hi...but nothing really fancy. and there are those visits where a friends mom was in the hospital and i would go to say hi and back the friend with moral support. this situation to me was a little different.
the last time i went to the hospital when someone was sick of cancer it was grandma....and thats where she died. we spent so much time at the hospital in her last few days i really felt like i lived there. there was even a point where i would look forward to going to the cafeteria and eating the seasoned fries.
i even remember how i found out that she died. my stepdad woke me up while i was sleeping at home. he said that "mama's gone." me being a dumb kid and half asleep asked where she went. he laughed at me and said, "no...she passed away."
i can't say i dream very much...and if i do....i don't remember any...but there are a few that i do remember. around the time of my grandmas passing i did have a dream where i was at a wake and i was standing there right in front of her body and BOOM! her eyes shot open. it left me scared shitless. anytime i go to a viewing now as i stand in front of someones resting body...the tingles shoot up my back to the back of my brain and i just imagine them opening their eyes and grabbing my arm.
i really do regret not going to visit him. i'm not even saying that i was close to him if at all. but he was a relative and i didn't do anything to support other than when he first got cancer...or at least found out that he had cancer...i wore that livestrong bracelet for him.
still kinda jumbled...couldn't really get everything out that i wanted to...but its something.
-mike
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hey partner, i'm sorry about your loss. the last time i was in a hospital, my grandpa died there of cancer too. i'm thinkin of you & your family.
ReplyDeletei'm sorry bud.... my "grandma" just passed away too.. grandma, as in really close family friend, grandma.... she had leukemia. last year, right around august, my other grandma died from cancer-i was a lot closer to her actually. she helped raise my lil brother.
ReplyDeletei'd like to fist fight cancer. that'd be great, i think!
i hope you're doin okay tho... keepin yo chin u and keepin strong. like christank says, my heart goes out to you and yours.